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Columns

Columns are what really got me interested in writing. I somehow stumbled into a columnist role in my second year of university and got addicted to the ability to throw ideas and jokes out to a large body of people. Choice of topic is virtually unlimited and you can go as far as the imagination stretches you.

There are some restrictions, of course, such as word length and appropriate use of language. I've grappled with both of these issues over the years, painfully watching columns get chopped up and censored. It's all part of the process of course, and egotism about writing is something that one has to learn to deal with. There's also the necessary admission to self that perhaps you aren't the be-all-and-end-all of grammar or the ultimate authority on anything, but that's a realistic side effect of writing and something I was glad to encounter in the end.

All of these columns appeared in Wilfrid Laurier University's student paper The Cord. I am posting them here, completely uncensored and without any editorial changes that the printed versions may have had. None of these columns were titled because it's the section editor's job to do that. I just chose some straightforward placeholder names for each one because I am too lazy to go back to Cord issues and find what they were called in the end. However, to counteract this laziness I have also written mini-reflections on each column at the bottom of each page.

2005

Generation Shiftless - Why is our generation so unwilling to put down anchors and just stay put in our corner of the world?

Jackass Parables For Newer WLUers - A graduate perspective of some of the good things - and the not-so-good - which defined Laurier in retrospect.

Epilogue - Do we really need to tie up all the loose ends to finish this momentous chapter in our lives?

Save the Alienated Humans: Blogging and the New Public Sphere - Aliens critique our puny human connectivity, but blogging might just be the key to a new global discourse.

Leaving University - The final weeks of a graduating class and why we can't just let the time slip by unnoticed. Sappy sentimentalism included to the max!

Paris Hilton & the Celebrity Trap - Everyone's favourite waif gets hacked, but should we really care this much about the starlets on their pedestal?

Canada's Cultural Complex: Growing Up and Away From the Border - The Canadian identity crisis needs to move away from simple cries of 'Not America' before we can shake off little brother syndrome.

Life on a Rail - Navigating through life's trials and tribulations in a mine cart and facing the homogenized dangers of taking the easy way out.

This Coming Darkness - Our growing preoccupation with melodrama and failed romances, seen through the cultural-cross section of web journals.

No Cell Phone - The addictions of connectivity, pushed to new heights by cell phones jammed with features that you just can't go without.

2004

Holiday Pessimism - Finishing exams might not be as fabulous as imagined.

Shaping Reality - How life doesn't imitate TV... and it's strangely frustrating.

Squirrel Talk - The similarities between squirrels and regurgitated info.

Status Quo - How critical theory bites the educated norm in the ass.

Slowdown Syndrome - The dangers of that tired 'I'm getting old' cop-out.

Profanity Insanity - Swearing isn't as terrible as the censors think.

The Gimp Column - My evil ankle prompts introspection on personal injury.

Hollow Giants - Kids with loud cars and materialist obsessions must die.

Co-op Insanity - Boredom at a co-op job leads to schizophrenia.

Sleep Optional - Preaching to the frosh about university sleeping patterns.

Musicians Maintaining the Mystique - Legends posing as normal people.

2003

What's Your Major? - A guide to the most-asked question amongst co-eds.

The Pink Lighter Column - Pink lighters equal individuality.

Indifference - Personal philosophy: the more you try, the worse off you are.

Memory Lane - It's easy to ruin even the most hardcore nostalgia.

The Finale - School ends and we all shed a little tear.

MSN Column Number Two - My obsession with instant messaging continues.

Return to Debauchery - Building a snowman leads to critical reminiscing.

Valentine's Day Massacre - V-Day and its commercialism suck.

Searching for Waldo - Dating: what's your 'type'?

Insulting Rival Schools for Fun and Profit - We all do it.

2002

Study That Porn!! - Joke issue rant about learning sex from porno.

Build Your Own Trite Column - Neatly packaged opinions for everybody!

Stuck In This Box - Rules and boundaries everywhere

Midterms - Dealing with the split-semester devil.

MSN Column Number One - We don't give instant messaging enough credit.

First Column Ever - A tiny piece of history. What'd I write about? Who cares.