First Column Ever
Written September 27, 2002

Take some time out of your undoubtably busy schedule to picture yourself walking through the hallways of this hallowed place of post-secondary education for just one second. Visualize the current of faces that swirl through the school’s campus like an unrelenting ocean of humanity. Embrace the fact that you are but an ant, a virtually insignificant cog in the gigantic educational machine that chews up zit-faced high school seniors and spits out sleek and sophisticated graduates by the hundreds of thousands. You are alone in this moment, for how could you possibly relate to any of these people who you will probably never see again in your lifetime? Now recall that you go to Wilfrid Laurier, not Western, and if you really see our school this way then you are probably on hallucinogenic drugs.

As far as university size goes, WLU is relatively tiny. By this point in your Laurier Xperience (TM) you should have noticed that you run across the exact same people wherever you happen to travel here in Waterloo. The Concourse, downtown King street, the bars...undoubtably you will see someone who looks vaguely familiar to you and surprise! they’re in your Psych class. Sure, you may have never met them in your life but their appearance still sparks a circuit in your mind, jolting a response somewhere along the lines of “That’s the crack whore who won’t shut up about her best friend’s sister’s boyfriend being schizophrenic during tutorial!”

Here’s the kicker though: human memory has a remarkable capacity to remember events and people who are different and distinctive from the norm in some way and lump everything else into stereotypes and a depressing example of sameness. Chances are that you will take more interest in an individual who makes a point of wearing an unusual hat every day or has a propensity for loudly insulting everyone’s mothers than you will of identifying yet another kid who quietly goes about his or her academic day, listening to whatever’s on the MuchMusic Top 30 and sporting the latest fashionable haircut and clothes.

If you don’t believe me, think back to the last kegger, bar event or social gathering that you went to. Instead of immediately recalling the names of the twenty or so indistinctive people that you met, your mind will most likely pull up the image of some guy wearing nothing but a tattered poncho who is staggering around with one end of a funnel in his mouth, incoherently screaming garbage about setting the world record for eating the most eggs. Or something similar to that, anyways... Sure, you might have considered him to be a drunken retard and had no intent to meet him whatsoever but at least he was interesting enough to imprint himself upon your alcohol-hazed memory. Interesting is what makes this world a good place.

Getting to my point, I want people here at Laurier to be more diverse and memorable. Since we go to such a small school I see many of you on a fairly regular basis and it would be nice for everyone to have at least one unique characteristic. Wear nothing but Depeche Mode shirts. Be that annoying crack whore. Get a mullet or an afro. Create your own religion and attempt to convert the rest of us heathens. Use the word “schlock” as much as possible. Beat up my roommates whenever you see them. You came to Laurier because it was a small school (unless you’re here for the Business co-op) so why not use this to your advantage and be more than a number and a slightly unfocused picture on a OneCard? Be interesting, dammit!

The first column I ever wrote for the Cord, as I'm sure you can guess from the name emblazoned across the title. Is it good? In retrospect, I don't know. It's interesting to see your progression as a writer over the years though. I'll stick with that.