Casual Sex Moderation
Written September 15, 2003

Woo-ha, what a beauty of a topic. Once again, the titans collide on the issue of casual sex at university. Lindsay largely argues the point that many naïve kiddos hop in the sack with the hopes that it’ll magically turn into a serious relationship, while BlankName suggests that university is a proving ground for sexual experimentation and liberation at one’s own discretion. While neither argument can be exposed as ultimately “right” in this morally-subjective world of ours, here are a few final points of randomness to consider.

No sex before marriage? That crazy talk made me put down the Bible way back when I was in 7 th grade, never to return. Sexual compatibility is a huge element of successful long-term relationships. If you are in a relationship, but not having sex, massive sexual anticipation takes its place. In today’s society, a “try before you buy” policy is largely in effect, for the sake of both men AND women considering marriage.

Why? Because so many people are terrible in the sack. Seriously. If your idea of practice, as a male, is finding some new jailbait at Louie’s and rolling around on top of her in a drunken stupor, chances are that you suck. If your idea of practice, as a female, is limply lying underneath thirty different varsity athletes while pretending to enjoy yourself, chances are that you suck. Racking up huge numbers of victories (or travesties) doesn’t mean shit. Drunkenness usually doesn’t help much, either.

As far as Lindsay’s point about not hooking up one-nighters and thinking that they’ll turn into something meaningful is concerned, I totally agree. However, this is a lesson that has to be taught through experience. As a sexually active young adult, it’s pretty much a necessity that you get burned bad at least once by someone you think you love – a trial of emotional anguish and fire. Getting screwed over is part of growing up, and no amount of advice will save those naïve souls. Just be happy it isn’t you.

BlankName’s utopian university world of sexual freedom seems like a good time until the consequences kick in. Casual sex is much more accepted at our age level, but you still run the risk of becoming a “Pike-bike” for frat-boys to pass around or the asshole that gave herpes to half of Conrad. Watch out for the hyper-aggressive pseudo-rapists that prowl popular meat-markets – and yes, this includes girls too. All you really need is a degree of caution, but unfortunately that’s one of the first things that drunken people toss out the window.

In the end, it all comes down to your personal morals and convictions and blah blah blah. You’ve heard it all before way too many times, so I won’t preach the obvious. To be honest, it’s probably not even a choice that you’ll actively make – casual sex will present itself and your deep-rooted ideologies will surge up through the alcoholic haze and subconsciously make the decision for you. Maybe a good idea would be to make sure where those morals truly lie beforehand?

I wrote this for Student Life early in the year. I was supposed to be a moderator with the final word after readers had already gone through two other columns, one pro, one con. I tried to summarize their arguments - you can pretty much tell what they said from my comments. I didn't have one of the girls' names, so I decided to call her BlankName instead of the obvious choice of Slutty McSluts or something making fun of her promiscuous views. Anyways, I think Jenn (section editor) lambasted me for not being impartial enough with this summary, but I'm never an impartial writer. Being unopinionated is boring. Like all of my attempts to write something for Student Life, this came off mostly as a joke.