This is Clemensonline.com, the personal webpage of one particular Chris Clemens. If you are looking for Clemens Brothers Real Estate, perhaps, or Clemens’ Amazing Edible Motor Oil, then you are out of luck. In fact, I’m sure there are thousands of other Clemens products and people who might want to be attached to Clemensonline.com, but those guys are fucked because I’m already here and this is my place… for now.

So what am I doing here? Mostly just loitering. Staking out my tiny corner of the internet. Procrastinating. The web is a beautiful vehicle for ideas and identity and I’ve been away for much too long.

When you get right down to it, I’m just another middle-class white male with a webpage. Like everyone else on the internet, I’m under the delusion that I am a writer, a graphic designer, a socialite, a theorist and an interstellar space robot with cool buzzsaw arms. I have all of the answers and none of the time. I listen to music that nobody’s ever heard of and ditch it for something better when mainstream media catches up. I am the epitome of the Canadian identity crisis. I am fully aware.

So yeah, this webpage is about the people I know and the things I'm interested in. I'm not selling anything but myself (and high income hookers, if you can find the hidden part of the site). Hahaha, just kidding...OR AM I?? Enjoy, mafackers.

>>Chris