November's Dying Weekend
Pictures taken November 24-29, 2004

From the perspective of a university student, I think I can safely claim that November is the hugest piece of shit month on the calendar. Not only are we bombarded with yet another round of hellacious essay and assignment deadlines and increasingly malicious weather, but November is when everything starts to get old and tired. Attending class, procrastinating, even drinking - by the time November rolls around, we've been doing this stuff for months and it's starting to wear. Even Waterloo's marvelous lustre fades under the oppressive Nov-regime. To top things off, I am traditionally struck with horrible streaks of bad luck and pessimism around the Novembertime, adding a nice personal touch to my annual hatred.

So it only makes sense that we would celebrate November's dying weekend and I would rub it in with a picture gallery.

Jack Dow's much vaunted return! We knew he would be angry
if we neither paid nor displayed at the airport parking lot, so
these guys sexed up the pay machine for a free display.

My, the Kitchener airport is a veritable hotbed of excitement and
international commerce. Here's a fun game: Where's Waldo in
this picture with Kyle and Laura!

The man himself arrives! We had a hard time picking him out
amongst the sea of arriving immigrants.

Later that night at (where else?) Molly Bloom's, Rob ate a fry.

Stuffed mushrooms. I tried these once and had the most wondrous
dreams about them in the following nights. Czech Republic Jen,
seen here as a serving wench, was also in these dreams. In fact,
this picture was TAKEN in Dreamland!

Tim looks like an Italian mafia don, getting love from his two
Anglo-hos. The Anglo-hos were happy to oblige.

Step 1: Jack drinks a beer, and then another beer, and then...

Step 2: Jack devours fries without hands.

Step 3: Jack grabs Laura and ravages her, made bold by the many
cups of beer and fries in his belly.

Step 4: Jack and Laura film a controversial porno to be distributed
amongst the Bible belt states for extra effect. Jack does not, in
fact, love Jesus. And I know damn well that Jesus doesn't love you.

Step 5: Contented with his sacrilegious debauchery, Jack offers
a perfunctory "thumbs-up" gesture while Laura supports him
from the rear.

I love you, Teen Girl Squad!

The next night, Kyle cautiously decides whether he wants to bet
his delicious slice of pizza against my snazzy boxers in a rowdy
game of Texas Holdem.

Alicia has a flawless poker face. Notice that I am about to lose
my underwear... a 2 and a 5 doesn't get you far in this world.

Somewhere in between we went to the Turret and I apparently had fun and... even... DANCED? I don't really remember and, suffice to say, I wasn't sober enough to remember my camera. Thanks to everyone for filling in the sordid details (Suse).

The NEXT night, there was an orgy at Wilf's.

Jack goes down like a submarine. Ew. At least they look happy...

DBo and Lisa are the centre of attention here but...wait... who's
that in the background?? WENDY SIGHTING! Same jacket as
always and a touching fourth year reunion of frosh roommates.

Pearson International Airport. The fateful day of Meegan and Jen's
departure to the magical, mysterious Isle of Australia. Apparently
it's populated by criminals and kuala bears, according to the
stereotypes! Stereotypes are never wrong.

Meegan's mom adorns Hunchback Jen with a festive array of
colourful bows, good luck voodoo for the plane trip ahead.

Meegan "powers-up" from the awesome force of the rainbow-bows.
Later she destroyed Terminal 1 with a Super Saiyan Hyper-Fireball.

A portrait of sisters, set in a romantic sepia airport background.
Meegan and Jen then sauntered off into the terrible wilds of
Customs, never to be heard from again (except on their website).

Carly plays open mic night at Wilf's, crooning several touching
songs about how November is now DEAD and December is eating
its innards for breakfast.

I will now review Carly’s performance for no apparent reason.

Quickie Review – Carly’s Open Mic Night

Carly, visibly nervous but moderately sedated from vodka and Seven-Up, took the stage to a roar of public approval. She launched right into her first song, a cover of Dashboard Confessional’s “Age Six Racer.” I was invited to deliver the (female) backup vocals to Chris Carrabba’s lyrical crybaby masterpiece but graciously declined, knowing that I would inevitably overshadow Carly’s airy vocals.

And airy they were, like fluffed butter, wafting into the enchanted ears of the Wilf’s clientele. At one point, she forgot some of the words to the song and RadioLaurier DJ Tyler thoughtfully filled in the gaps to her halting dismay. Next Carly played Tegan & Sarah’s “My Number” which she pulled off remarkably well, even the low-pitched part about killing koala bears. Then she pulled out an original song which I only half listened to because I was busy trying to take a picture of her where her eyes weren’t closed, but I’m sure it was wicked-awesome.

“Synapse to synapse…” were the first lines of Death Cab For Cutie’s “Company Calls Epilogue” and, appropriately, Carly linked with the synapses of everyone in attendance and forced them to hold hands and sway back and forth in reverence. One girl went so far as to walk by and flash the “devil-horns” at Carly, which threw her off and released her hold on the masses, but that’s okay because this song really wasn’t suited to her vocal style anyways. She ended her set with another original song which had very catchy guitar progression and was a fitting end to her performative masterpiece.

Carly celebrates with Pinchy (Michelle) after all was sung and done.
Pinchy played an acoustic set before Carly's and, although I only
caught the end, has a blingin' voice - a moneymaker, if you will.
A quote from these two: "Fuck you, November!"

Fuck you, November, indeed! I didn't actually tell anybody that they were actively participating in the celebration of November's prolonged death, but they knew. Oh, they knew. And as the dying screams of a malicious month fell on us in blankets of snow, another crisis was averted, another evil postponed till next year when it will inevitably rise again. But, as always, we will rejoice as it returns to the grave.

What a fantastic cycle.