<< Halloween Whores I Mean Horrors | Main | Drive Me to the Love Hotel! >> November 03, 2005 >> Zoo World Litany
Plus I have a lot of pictures that need a-showin, and now I am cursing myself for making them so fucking big because I have to keep typing until the text is at least as long as the picture. Type type type type. Fill space fill space fill space. Yakkity yakkity yak. Zoomity zoomity zoomers. Humpity humpity hump. I suppose I could write about what the pictures actually are. I could, you know. And I will. They're from a trip we took a few weekends ago to Zoo World in Daejeon, down in southwestern Korea. As a general rule I don't really enjoy zoos - the animals look sad and pensive in their tiny cages, pacing neurotically as hordes of idiots snap photos. I don't like the way people try to capture a slice of the world outside their cubicles and visit it in droves on the weekend, mouths gaping with the counterfeit joys of Connecting With Nature. Ooooh, look at the cheetah. Isn't he fast, loping around his 20" x 20" cell? The fastest beast in the animal kingdom. If you ask me, a huge part of experiencing nature is about seeing animals in their natural environment. What's special about seeing a pack of wolves that are heartily handfed and drugged into docile submission? The majesty of a wolf comes from its pack mentality, the social dynamics of the alpha male and the hunt. What you see in a zoo is an empty husk of a wolf, a simulacrum of the least convincing degree. It's more than a little depressing. But at least the monkeys were funny lolol! They were swinging to and fro. Anyways, this particular Zoo World was different from zoos I've been to in the past in that it had a series of terrifying rides for the kiddies. A house that eats human souls and spins them, howling, into the Great Abyss. Evil safari cat mascots. Giant buses shaped like fearsome predators rumbling through herds of angrily fucking herds of lions. Oh yes, the lions were fucking, and the she-lions on the receiving end roared in angry displeasure. Pregnancy makes them slow, the last lions to get to the huge hunks of beef that are stuffed into their pen daily. Mama ain't takin' care of NO babies! On the comical-yet-kinda-sad side of things, a ginormous camel with slumping humps langorously roamed his pen, trolling the crowds of onlookers for handouts. I watched schoolgirls throw handfuls of wafers into his slimy mouth, and a businessman choke him with an apple core. Children gingerly placed bread onto his bloated tongue and screamed as he slurped it back. Through it all, the saggy camel's eyes seemed to tell me that I was a big dummy for teaching English to eat. All he has to do is be a camel! What a motherfucker. Bah. Gotta go. Taxi misunderstandings await. Posted by Chris at 05:27 AM >> Commentations (3)
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CAUTION: This entry will suck. It will suck because I am ripping through it in twenty minutes because I have to go teach my private lesson. It will suck because after the lesson I'm going to meet the other Englishes to celebrate Belinda's birthday, a celebration which will inevitably end in sneaking soju into a kareoke room. In past experiences, soju + kareoke has left me unable to type after I stumble home in the wee hours of the morning, and thusly I update now. 