<< Week 1: Arrival | Main | Week 2: Living With Pears and Dumplings >>

Okay, so let me just start by saying that I was pretty aware, coming in, of the fact that I was going to be the sole honkey in an ocean of unintelligible Asians. I knew that it would be difficult and that my phrasebook would likely leave me talking like a retard.

Regardless, there was definitely some stuff about Korea that surprised me and caught me off guard during my first week here.

Consider the following:

>>Never leave chopsticks or a spoon in a bowl while eating. You can rest them over top of the bowl or on the table beside the bowl, but if they're in the bowl you're fucked. Koreans only put chopsticks in the bowl when they're setting aside food for their dead ancestors. Unsurprisingly, the dead ancestors never get around to actually using the chopsticks but you will still get grief if you make an accidental sacrifice of your rice bowl during dinner.

>>The number four here sounds suspiciously like the word for "death", so floor number Four is labeled as floor number F in elevators. 4 is bad mojo. 13 is also unlucky, just like back home!

>>If you are ever, perchance, strolling about in Korea, the people will generally ignore your presence studiously as they go about their business. However, you'll catch snatches of things they say: "Yango", most specifically. Yango means foreigner or white devil or stupid American or something like that, so when you hear yango you'll know you're the belle of the ball, even if nobody looks at you!

Speaking of which, gossip is pretty huge over here. I'm pretty glad that I can't understand what the Korean teachers at the school say about me when I'm around, because this way I can just not care. I'm sure that if I told them I fuck Shetland ponies in the ass in my free time, it would be headline news by 6:00.

However, they get excited when foreigners make an effort to learn the language. I'm trading a half hour of English lessons for a half hour of Korean on Thursday nights with two Korean teachers, and they're super happy-lucky-go-go about the whole thing.

>>Itaewon is a double culture shock because it's right by an American army base and serves as a carousing station for swaggering groups of bald-headed armymen. It's sort of like Westerntown and it was pretty fascinating to see a huge black guy walking out of a Burger King, arm-in-arm with a swanky Russian prostitute. Some of the soldiers speak Korean quite well - they've obviously been here for a while. Itaewon basically feels like a variety swirl of society, a global buffet of cultures rammed into a hollow Korean shell.

It's sort of a sketchy scene though. We watched greybeard businessmen bounce young Korean girls on their knees as they smoked cigars, and then we slept in the subway station in the wee hours between bar close and subway open. Itaewon is best served in moderation.

>>TV is pretty funny. Chad watches Korean music videos but I've been fascinated with the specialty channels: one is 24-hour kickboxing and another is 24-hour video gaming. In fact, I've watched many a late night Starcraft match (which is a hugely competitive game over here). It's covered pretty much like sports: a pre-game show delivered by three suited gentlemen who enthusiastically discuss a strategic preview of the map; the match itself, where the coverage switches between battle hotspots and intense close-ups of the competing nerds; and an interview with the victorious nerd after all is said and done. The best part of the whole thing is the show intro, where Korean gamers are depicted as bad-asses who skateboard and listen to rockin' tunes and look cool in a crowd. Unsurprisingly, this is Not the Case.

The commentary during the match is totally fucked - the slightest tiny thing will happen, like perhaps one guy will decide to build a new building in his base, and the announcer will scream hysterically: "Ojo Kamapdina Pokabokawokka Tul!!!!" Or something like that, cuz he talks a mile a minute. They're so serious about this game that you'd almost think an early Zerg rush was the first trumpet of the apocalypse. I watch Starcraft at night to put me to sleep.

>>The subway system is surprisingly straightforward. English signs and everything. No culture shock there, except you will inevitably perform a horrific pronounciation of whatever place you want to go to, and the ticketman will make you stumble through the stop name at least three times before he gives you your ticket. He will also correct your pronounciation, and what he says will sound (to you) exactly like what you just said. You will leave, shrugging your shoulders and muttering "San-bon. San-bon. San-bon." to yourself.

>>If a girl smokes in public here, she is seen as a woman of loose morals - basically, a slut. Korean women smoke but it's very secretive: bar bathrooms and so forth. Standards are a bit more relaxed for Western girls, but Sam (the Australian teacher at my school) has to change shirts if she wants to have a cigarette between classes so the kids don't smell the smoke.

>>I take my eyebrow ring out during classes, but keep the cuff at the top of my ear in. The kids make a big deal about it - one little earring - and insist on lining up to pet it gingerly. Then they'll go back to their seats and draw little earrings on all the characters in their workbook. I had a discussion with one of my older classes about piercings in Canada, and they squealed as I ran down the list of every possible location us Crazy Canucks might get pierced: nose, tongue, lip, bellybutton, Prince Albert...

And tattoos? Holy fuck. They catch a glimpse of the one under my arm every once in a while and scream with mock horror. Once again, they all insist on rubbing it like it's a good luck charm. Sometimes I wonder what they go home and tell their parents about me, because apparently in Korea only Mafia gangsters have tattoos.

>>Food can be either very cheap or relatively expensive, depending on where you go. A nice sit-down meal of BBQ rib or steak with a few beers might run about 15 bucks per person, while you can get a roll of kimbap (essentially sushi) for just over a dollar. Most people drink the filthy Soju with meals, and it's obvious why: you can get a big 'ol mickey of the stuff for about a dollar. Efficient brain-fucking. A lot of places have little coal stoves in the middle of the table where you cook the meat yourself, or - if you're a stupid yongo - they might come over every so often and cook it for you.

These meals typically come with heaps and heaps of side dishes and soups, so many that the entire table is usually covered end-to-end. And yes, one of these side dishes is always kimchi, which is ultra-spicy, fermented vegetables and Korea's national dish. Koreans always ask if you like the stuff and, to be honest, I'm kinda starting to. Chad has this theory that maybe the Koreans like to burn the shit out of their taste buds with kimchi so the following mouthful of rice doesn't taste so bland.

>>Money is pretty simple. Basically, I operate under the premise that 1 000 won is a dollar, 10 000 won is ten dollars and so forth. The exchange rate isn't quite that friendly to the Canadian dollar, but it's close enough. All the cash has proud looking Asian fellows on it, emperors or generals or something stately I suppose. Bills come in 1 000, 5 000 and 10 000 flavour, and coins come in 500, 100, 50 and 10. I only just got a coin under 100 the other day, which is a pity because I had been admiring the Koreans for getting rid of useless pocket change (the penny, anyone?). But, sadly, shitty small increments of money prevail.

I just got so pissed off at world currency that I threw all my 10 won coins out my sixth-story window and I think they hit some woman's umbrella.

GARRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Posted by Chris at 03:37 AM >> Commentations (3)