<< 10 baht, 15 minutes | Main | Scary Crazy Soju Man >> August 07, 2006 >> The Rise of Mercury
Mercury Man actually taps the pulmonary artery of Spiderman, since the hero looks like a giant ripoff of Venom. Because he has a black suit and mask, you see. That shit's trademarked. Except this newcomer to the heavily trademarked superhero scene speaks Thai. And his superpowers presumably orbit around elemental unit mercury, which imply pleasant results, as my only recollection of this particular metal is that it slowly makes you fucking insane. Remember the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland? That dude had mercury in his hat. The trailer shows Mercury Man regenerating skin wounds sorta like Wolverine. This will be poor for the world at large if our masked hero happens to turn into a raving lunatic - which he should because otherwise the movie won't be scientifically accurate - and nobody will be able to cut off his arms to render him babbling and harmless. Limbs will just keep growing back and Mercury Man will ramble away about dancing bears in his retinas, and bash the White Witch from Narnia (who is his arch-nemesis, no joke) with well-choreographed Muay Thai assaults and the whole thing will spell D-E-G-E-N-E-R-A-C-Y and the eventual collapse of the exclusively Hollywood blockbuster. This is huge. Mercury Man. One Element, One Man. Chemically insane, with any luck. One man who suspiciously resembles Marvel Comics©©©©' Venom©, but just different enough to avoid copyright suit. On August 10th, Thailand will smile wider. Posted by Chris at 10:48 AM >> Commentations (0)
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"Any fool can make history, but it takes a genius to write it."
July 2007
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In my undercover snooping in Thai affairs, I found out that the amiable citizens from the "Land of Smiles" are working on something big. Since most of Thailand's smiles are a direct result of aggressively pilfering Western dollars and Euros and Canadian Tire money, the next step makes a lot of sense: a tricked-out big budget superhero movie in the vein of Spiderman. It's time to get out of the markets and aim for the big bucks of Culture.