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In most of my classes, I'm approaching the End of the Book, a rare and wonderful blossom that only flowers once every three months or so. It's a time when there is literally nothing left to do: no more stories, worksheets or tests. Well, I'm sure we could review or something but these are kids, we must remember, and sometimes they like to goof off. And I like to goof off. And the End of the Book is a perfect time for not learning English.

We've been using a new curriculum designed specifically for Herald Schools: the Herald Leader series. I've taught plenty of ESL books since my arrival here - English Time, Side By Side, High Five, Let's Go, etc etc etc - and the Herald books stack up pretty well against the competition, with one exception: the songs.

In ESL, songs are important. They rouse children from the drowsiness of rote memorization. Songs give kids a rhythmic backdrop for this strange and terrifying new language they are being force-fed, and if the tune is catchy enough, they'll always have a new phrase pattern floating annoyingly in the back of their minds. With the right song, you'll have a generation of second-language speakers walking around mumbling, "Are there two mirrors? No, no, no there AREN'T!!!!" and as long as they aren't saying "ISN'T" or "DOOVEN'T"... well, that's a good thing.

I am sad to say that the Herald songs are an apocalypse of tempo, a calamity of cadence. Every line swings wildly in meter, its rhythm an unpredictable mish-mash of long drawn-out syllables and SUPERFASTLET'SGOGOGOGOGO verbal speedways. Somehow the engineers of these songs have managed to cannibalize a simple tune like "Mary Had a Little Lamb," creating a monster that leaves even the smartest kids bewildered and stupefied. I'm stupified. Once they (we) struggle to get the hang of even one verse, the next will inevitably screw them (us) over. Oh, it's windy in September? You got that one, huh? Well now IT'S WArm in MA.....RCH, fucker! It's as if these songs are designed to be unsingable.

So at the end of our unforgettable journey through Herald Leaders C1, me and my low-level class spent the lesson today ripping through all the songs one-by-one and rated them on how terrible they were. We spent a whole lesson critiquing: "Teacher, teacher... is very bad!! Is fast and doesn't like and crazy!" There were heated debates and fierce partisan politics involved, but we finally managed to come to a concensus: the Chapter 4 song was the best, not chosen for clarity or usability, but because it has a badass train whistle sound between verses. Wooo- woooo!

And this is how I get paid.

Posted by Chris at 06:31 AM >> Commentations (4)