<< Simple | Main | Elderly and Reasonable >> March 10, 2006 >> Small I don't really speak anymore. I can still think and write, but I can't muster the effort to speak, to joke or make idle smalltalk at the table. I look around the room and listen to conversation around me and I am bored and frustrated. Something is failing here, some social ability to open the mouth and channel words of no real consequence. The will is missing. I wonder if this has ever happened before, to anyone anywhere. It feels pretentious, like perhaps I am playing at being too good for everyone around me, pretending to be interested, like nothing here could possibly offer me any insight. But at the same time, it feels like there are safes to crack once you get past the outer formalities - treasure troves of experience - but the formalities themselves are so impossibly repetitive that they can't be done any longer. They won't. I need to get straight to the core without bothering with the peel over and over again. Somehow I am rejecting the essence of smalltalk, and it's only now that I see how important smalltalk is. It is a disconcerting feeling and I wish I was better. Posted by Chris at 12:26 PM >> Commentations (1)
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