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July 19, 2005 >> Skipping Rope is the New Pink

I got my Belinda Stronach shirt today! Most people I pass on the street have been giving me very strange looks. Clearly they voted Conservative.

Also, while I am in the routine of writing letters:

Dear Guys Who Work Out Across The Street Every Afternoon,

I appreciate the fact that you want to look buff and beefy. You have very nice tans and I'm sure that a litany of well-meaning, somewhat-dim, nothing-girls have lined up to suck your dicks in the past. Good job!

Still, I have to question your work-out tactics. When one guy is skipping rope while the other aggressively growls incentives ("DOOOO it! Work that burn! Ride that snake!"), I worry. The fact that you listen to a Dance Mix album from the early 90s to pump yourselves up is even worse. When I see you taking a short break to headbang vigorously to 2 Unlimited (don't think I don't see you!) and then reassert your manliness with a few pull-ups, I kind of wish you weren't my neighbours anymore.

Perhaps you could listen to some Metallica or G & R or something next time. Also, wear shirts. You jiggle.

love (but not in that way),

Chris Clemens

Posted by Chris at 03:26 PM >> Commentations (5)