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Today lent itself very nicely to a series of lessons. I thought I should share.

1. Girls. If a small group of girls ever starts bickering amongst themselves over which one is the most sexual, don't chime in. They'll say things like "Oh, all the guys want to plow you in the ass" and whichever girl happens to be the target of said ass-plowing will squeal and look disgusted. It will be hot. The argument will rage onwards and you'll get to hear all kinds of claims, back and forth, about past experiences which prove that one girl happens to be the group slut. No definitive group slut will be chosen, however.

Lesson learned: if girls are talking about getting plowed in the ass in front of you, it means that none of them are thinking that you might be the one to plow them in the future. Which is alright, as coyness and feigned virginal attitudes get old really fast. Girl-talk about ass plowing, on the other hand, is extremely entertaining.

2. Laundry. When I throw clothes in the washing machine, I sometimes revisit the days/nights that I spent wearing them. I see stains and briefly, ever so momentarily, recall precisely how they marred the fabric. Spilled drinks, impromptu rolls down a grassy hill... I get splashes of the past when I clean my clothes.

Lesson learned: Do laundry more often.

3. The writer and I. Here's my latest column - Jackass Parables For Newer WLUers - for those of you without on-campus stickyfingers and no access to the Frosh Cord Mailer.

The column is meh. However, it got me thinking about the writer's voice and the way the writer can hide themselves behind their sentences or push directly through into the reader's mind. Writing passively ("The donkey was found dead, its stomach chock-full of squirrel corpses and chalky Valentine's Day heart candies.") is far less invasive - you can tell a story without too much connection between writer and reader. Writing actively ("I saw the donkey and all I could think was holy shit, that's a sexy donkey!... but it's dead. Is that a problem? Hmmm...") showcases the author's mindstate and opinions much more vividly. It pushes the writer's personality off the page and into the reader's consciousness. It becomes less of a read and more of a dialogue, a direct link to narrative.

Lesson learned: I think I need to start detaching myself from my writing again - I think that perhaps I try to force too much of myself into columns and such, and it impedes any ability to make a point or tell a story. It almost comes across as selfish, now that I think about it - I, I, I, I, I think, I want, I know. I, I, I. This is all subjective, and perhaps other people interpret different writing styles in a way that completely opposes my viewpoint, but it's something to think about anyways - for those who like to write. Which is most of you.

Third person would be kind of fun: "This author humbly wishes the reader to consider the fact that the blog post they are currently reading is now concluded, and they can direct their attentions elsewhere. This author also recommends the buffalo fingers. He finds them to be delicious and saucy."

Posted by Chris at 05:27 PM >> Commentations (9)