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*muffled roar of the crowd*
mrwrmrwrmwrmrwmrwmrwmwrmwrm... BARBEQUE ... mrwmrwmrwmrwmwrmwr ... FIREWORKS ... mrwrmrwmrwmrwmrwmrw ... COTTAGE ... mrwmrwmrwmrmwrmwmrwmrwmrmwr ... BEERS & BITCHES ... mrwrmwrmwrmwrmwrmw ... LAWN CHAIR OF FLAWLESS MUTILATION.

*Enter Scandy. He is attired in a plaid shirt, funky-fresh denim jean shorts and the raiments of the Archangel Gabriel. He also sports a beanie propellor hat with the Canadian maple leaf embroidered on the front.*

Scandy: You know, it's great to be a Canadian. A simple Canadian man with a simple Canadian job. A Canadian who has somehow managed to acquire the immortal garments of God's holiest warrior. I wear this mantle of purity with an appropriate level of politeness and - what the fuck?

*Enter the Lawn Chair of Flawless Mutilation. It is a fearsome seat, folding and unfolding with the dark rhythms of hell. Gore encrusts its gaping cupholder maw.*

Scandy: Gah!

Lawn Chair of Flawless Mutilation: UNGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!

Scandy: Vestments of Yahweh, protect me!

*The Lawn Chair of Flawless Mutilation bounds over and flawlessly mutilates Scandy. Only a single piece of denim, fluttering slowly to the ground, remains.*

*muffled roar of the crowd*
mrwmrwmrwmrwmrwmwmrwr ... CANADA DAY ... mrwrmwrmwmrmwrmwrwrw ... CAMPING ... mrwrmwrmwrmwrmwmwrw ... FOOT LONG SAUSAGES ... mrwmrwmrwmrmwrmwrmw ... SO I SOLD THIS FUCKING DUMMY THE 'MAJESTIC RAIMENTS OF THE ARCHANGEL GABRIEL' LAST NIGHT... SUCKER PAID FOR MY KID'S ABORTION!

*spotlight up on the Lawn Chair of Flawless Mutilation.*

Lawn Chair of Flawless Mutilation: Always get your religious artifacts checked by the local clergy before buying to avoid fakes! GRRRRUAAAARRR!!! THE MORE YOU KNOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!

Posted by Chris at 04:17 PM >> Commentations (2)