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I have noticed that within two or three weeks of being in a new place - continent, country, or blasted up-end of Ontario's sprawl - I will inevitably fall ill. My immune system is confounded by minor microbe variations on sicknesses once dealt with and defeated; hence, I suffer repeatedly from the same flu family as inflicted by the Virus Mother, Virus Sister-in-Law and Ancient Ancestor Asian Virus (Most Honourable strain). And I have destroyed them all systematically, by method of allowing them to infiltrate and make me sniffle and cough on the subway, then sucker-punching those bitches through the sheer tenacity of outlasting them until my white blood cells ratify their union contract and get back to work. The flu never sees it coming.

Still, it is difficult to be bright and chirpy amidst this temporary organic strife. It is hard to hear, and people on the phone sound like goblins and ghosts and pumpkin pies. Pulling the age-old compensation trick of laughing lightly at everything you don't hear doesn't work; neither does just saying "Okay, uh-huh, yeah." You always get caught out. And it sucks because you want to hear, it's just that your immune system is holding out for more vacation time. But you look like an asshole in the meantime.

And you know when you're lying in bed and the only thing you can think about is not coughing? It's like somehow, if you don't succumb, you will have won a minor victory over yourself. But you spend so much time thinking about not coughing that, in the end, your throat spasms and you end up biting your tongue and fall asleep cursing yourself for not just having gotten a drink of water.

In conclusion, I don't support trade unions.

Posted by Chris at 01:48 PM >> Commentations (2)