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Today I got an iPod mini and a new bowl for poor injured Gigantos the Big Green Bong. The iPod is blue and has a free engraving on the back: "THE STAINLESS STEEL FIST OF NU-ANARCHY". The bowl is crazily patterned and has a blue glass octopus clinging tenaciously to its side. No matter how hard you shake the bowl, the octopus holds on. It is clearly invincible.

One item labels me trendy, the other paints me as a stoner. It's funny how you can't own anything anymore without making a public statement about your personal identity and lifestyle. But I guess if I wanted to stay secretive, I probably wouldn't be posting all this random BS on the internet, ne? If I was Avril Lavigne, I would probably write a song about how you can't label me because I'm an individual with my skateboard and stripey arm-warmers and hardcore star tattoos and and and and and. The song ends there because it sucks.

Anyways, Gigantos has been relatively disappointing in his (our) quest to become Doctor Gigantos. In fact, he has damaged himself so frequently that he makes a far better patient than physician. I briefly thought about calling him Gigantos the Retarded Invalid, but I've generally found that insulting possessions will always cause them to hate you (in their inanimate way) and seek devious revenge somehow. I'm not willing to risk it.

So instead, Gigantos, inspired by the new octopus bowl, will henceforth be named Gigantopussoir! The delightfully offensive TV show Drawn Together is also semi-responsible. Hopefully a monicker of such epic proportions will shield him from the clumsiness of stonebags in the future.

Posted by Chris at 05:21 PM >> Commentations (0)