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Does anyone else remember those olden days of the internet when websites used to operate under a self professed designation of e/n - everything/nothing - in an attempt to justify being as unfocused and irrelevant as possible? I haven't heard the term in a while. I think perhaps the word 'blog' has risen and swallowed up e/n into a much greater definition of uselessness.

Wheeeeeeeee I am now practicing killing mosquitoes in my room for forthcoming forays into the insect-laden mires of Asia Minor. This weekend we'll get covered in mud and make filthy asses of ourselves at something appropriately titled "Mudfest", while later this month I'll be in Thailand. Three days with Chad and Jen and Matt down south in Phuket, four days poking around Bankok and the north by my lonesome. I am not embarrassed to say that solo-ing Bankok seemed like a daunting prospect at first. It is somewhat of a Big Step.

Stupid introspective moment (an important part of e/n): I am learning more about actually living self-sufficiently rather than just preaching it. Here in Korea I have met a number of people who zoom about the world fearlessly without a plan, and find their lack of reservation pretty cool. I still remember when getting from Waterloo to Toronto on my own seemed stressful, as lame as that sounds, but I don't exactly have what they call a 'naturally adventurous personality'. I used to have a 'controlling personality' - I loved video games, where you can control everything, at your own pace, without real risk - but have been edging myself away slowly and surely.

I am starting to let go of possessions and fears, a gradual process in which I find myself moving toward a life I think will be more enjoyable. This existence has a higher percentage of ending in horrible and unnatural death, through poverty or random Bankok bludgeonings or what have you, but I can assure you that I'm happier than I used to be. It is very difficult for me to explain without sounding ridiculously New Age, but I think a lot of people our age are unsatisfied because they've removed all the challenge from their lives. The safety nets are firmly in place.

And I can't possibly advocate a generational shift in priorities, because many people don't feel the need for change, but I'm telling you that I don't feel stagnant or bored anymore. I feel pretty damn good. I feel a lot. And I don't just want to feel this way until I get a Real Job or settle down, I want to always be at this place because I think that it would kill me to grind to a halt and then always be reminiscing and looking for some kind of cheap substitute.

So anyway, I'm going to Bankok to test my luck a little further. If I die there, it'd be okay. All the happy people I know live somewhere between Everything and Nothing, and the smart ones know that Nothing is inevitably on its way.

Posted by Chris at 10:09 AM >> Commentations (2)