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I just woke up from a somewhat peculiar dream.

I was in an underground complex, all futuristic and metallic and silvery-shiny, watching a space marine follow a little robot-dog-thing down a hallway. I was floating above the action; an observer, invincible. The space marine lost the robot-dog in a cavernous room - a room which was quite obviously a Boss Lair: there were weird tapestries and ornate statues as ominous decoration, and... well, you know when you just know something in a dream? I knew that this was the space marine's objective and, as with all video games and dreams, something bad was about to happen to him.

Sure enough, it did: everything flashed red (DANGER!) and all of a sudden the marine was tearing back the way he had come, hotly pursued by a very slathering and bio-organically unholy version of the dog that led him down here. He didn't have any weapons so he ran furiously as the evil demon-dog chomped at his heels. I knew exactly where the marine had to go: when he got back to the ladder he had descended on, and it was raised and inaccessible, I understood that he had to swing around the outside of the room on a series of rails and escape through the laundry hatch (LAUNDRY HATCH???). He completed the task flawlessly. Fade to black.

Now here comes the bizarre part. Directly afterwards I found myself back in the futuristic complex, watching a robo-dog saunter off down the hallway. It was the exact same dream, the exact same scenario, except I was first-person this time - I was the marine, no longer an omnipotent observer. "Well shit," I thought. "I'd better follow that robo-dog and see what he's up to." I did.

Back in the Boss Lair, I took the time to examine some of the decor a little more closely. There was some cool shit, although the only thing I remember in any level of detail was a giant wood-carved dog, lying belly down on a shag carpet with an enormous erection splayed out behind it. I was understandably disturbed and even moreso when the RED began flashing and I knew that it was time to Get The Fuck Out, just as the marine had in the previous episode. So I started runnin' on back and, sure enough, I turned once to see a giant set of gore-encrusted teeth and blood-red eyes bearing down on me.

I had more trouble with the demon-dog than my predecessor. The bastard kept catching me and chewing me up - it didn't really hurt, but I could definitely sense my Health Bar or whatever depleting as this ravenous beast tore chunks out of my back. To add to the video game experience, I had some kinda speed boost ability which let me run faster than the dog for a brief while before exhausting itself. I could also turn, from time to time, and whack the demon-dog back onto the horizon with some kind of punch or kick or... something. All I know is that the dog kept coming back and I couldn't run fast enough. It was moderately terrifying over an extended period of time.

Finally I reached the ladder and, just like before, knew that I had to swing around on these rail things to escape through the tactfully and rather strangely placed Laundry Chute. I had seconds left before the base exploded or filled with poison gas or released more hellhounds or God Knows What my mind had in store for me, so I would have to be quick about it.

Well, long story short, I definitely failed. I was about halfway around the room, dangling above the demon-dog by my arms, and everything started to fade out. Blacken. But... but... I wasn't at the laundry chute yet! I panicked. I dropped. I woke up. I knew that I hadn't made it and I had the comforting sensation that I had more lives, that I could just 'reload the save file' and try again. But what the hell does it mean when you can mastermind and direct a dream-escape but can't actually make it yourself?? And what was with the fearsome dog-boner statue? Its wang wasn't even facing the right way!

I hope my subconscious isn't telling me that I need to fuck dogs, or even like them. War broods on the horizon of my mind if that happens to be the case.

Posted by Chris at 12:16 PM >> Commentations (2)