December 30, 2004 >> On the brink of a Livejournal

Mercyme, I got another image gallery up! Well, technically it's half story, half gallery and half... well, I really don't know, but it's 2:30 am so I honestly don't feel that I need to explain myself further. Anyways, it's called The Battle and the Burning. Fyaaaah!

It's surprising how fast class is creeping up again, especially while it still feels like just yesterday that we beat exams back into the darkness from whence they came. But I'm on my way back to the Loo tomorrow and the reality has sunk in: my slothful playboyability has once again come to an end and now it's time to buy some more goddamn textbooks. I didn't really get enough accomplished while I was "vacationing" here in sunny Vancouver (muahahaha) but I did do the following:

1) Got my ass kicked at Risk.
2) Got my ass kicked at Monopoly.
3) Demolished my 11 year old sister at Foosball.
4) Got my ass kicked at Asshole (renamed President for the religious and young)
5) Watched Lord of the Rings: Return of the King: Extended Magic Version with 50 Minutes of Additional Footage That Was Actually Pretty Good and Sealed Up Plot Holes Satisfactorily (except there might have been more hobbit crying, and that was gay)
6) Defeated the Gamecube game Eternal Darkness which was damn good except all of its story and premises were a blatant ripoff of H.P. Lovecraft.
7) Other stuff.

Okay so my posting has devolved into a fucking itinerary, which indicates to me that it's time to go upstairs and pack. Chad, you better remember to pick me up from the airport!

Posted by Chris at 05:40 AM >> Commentations (5) | Permalink

December 27, 2004 >> My time is not your time

O verily, a new image gallery hast been created: it's name shall henceforth be Vancouver: A Nuclear Weapons Free Zone.

As well, I went through the entire site and changed those little 2004 copyright things in the bottom right corner to 2005. Why? Because I wanted to time travel, and also because I was paranoid that the new year would roll around and some big fancy executive type would immediately notice that the copyright was out of date on New Year's Day and steal all of my ideas for some bastardized movie: The Pink Lighter Lemon Hookah Pothead, probably starring the whacky Owen Wilson. And that would just be unacceptable.

Posted by Chris at 04:35 AM >> Commentations (8) | Permalink

December 24, 2004 >> Merry Christmas, Bitches!

And I DO mean Merry Christmas, not "Merry X-Mas" or "Happy Holidays" or "Prancing Peace of All Mystical Seasons" or any other nondenominational garbage. This is my blog and I can be politically incorrect if I wanna. I can cater to a particular religious view without fear of causing offence! Now let's all take retribution on the Jews for murdering our Lord and Saviour.

In other, less hate-crime-infested news, I have a shitload of pictures sitting on my camera right now which would probably make for some amusing galleries except for the minor detail that my USB transfer cable is, of course, sitting in Waterloo, attached to my husk of a former computing device. Meaning it's not here in Vancouver. Meaning the pictures are, for the time being, imprisoned.

However, an incriminating video depicting the infatiguable Jack Dow devouring White Castle fast food has fallen into my possession (HOODIE), and as a very special holiday treat, I will max out my server space to allow you all to share this very special moment. This is a one-time offer only, because as soon as I need that space for other, more important matters, White Castle is goneski!

Oh, and I've also started building up the Media page - it has been slothful and useless for far too long. Its duties are miniscule at the moment, but rest assured, the Media page will not be getting stoned and spending lazy days on the couch for much longer. Right now you can listen to my most recent RadioLaurier show feeds, a feature suggested by the unforgettable Blair earlier this month.

Anyways, that's that and now it's time to go to church for my singular dose of organized religion for the year. Post Script: Jesus just took over my computer speakers and verbally ordered me to take back my prior incitements to reap Jewish blood, so please, people, let's try some interreligious love this holiday season and save the hate for white cracker bourgeoisie pop singers.

Posted by Chris at 07:22 PM >> Commentations (5) | Permalink

December 20, 2004 >> It's Happening Again

SuprNova.org is finished. BitTorrent servers in Europe are on the run: their hardware confiscated, their insidious volunteer personnel taken into custody by government forces. And behind the scenes, pulling the strings in this aggressive kehauling of international piracy, is America - more specifically, the MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America). Yes, yet another acronym you will probably grow to hate as much as the RIAA during the Napster days.

These media 'lobby groups' have shown themselves to be fearless and brash, not afraid to stand up for their right to culturally dominate the world and profit in doing so. Ever since the first numbers came in which inexplicably suggested that everyone who downloaded Eminem singles or the ultimate breakdancing inspirational film You Got Served would have, naturally, purchased these commodities at full market price if the internet wasn't around, executives have flipped.

"They're stealing our profits!" was the general cry. "They're stealing our six figure bonuses, and the mountains of cocaine out of our trophy wives' nostrils!" Stabbing fingers at board room graphs depicting mammoth losses, the media moguls identified their piratical enemy (YARRRRR!) and set the war parties in motion. The rest is history: the cultural shatter of Napster, spiked songs and lawsuits on Kazaa, and now BitTorrent.

So it's happening again, and even though the proverbial fat-cats might be congratulating themselves and their cohorts on another victory over the evil thieves, nothing has changed. Nothing will change. Another minor change in P2P file sharing will be developed (probably serverless BitTorrent networks, I would imagine) and sweep the globe, and we'll continue to trade media.

I won't dive into the ethical considerations of file sharing (is it really stealing if you don't physically deprive the owner of their property, even though you're depriving them of their legal right to profit?) but there's no question that it's time for the MPAA, RIAA and whoever else to wake up to progress. Internet technology is revolutionizing the way we consume media, and our collective mentality will never backtrack. And the more American media groups try to struggle against the technology instead of working with it, the more those profit margins will continue to drop.

Posted by Chris at 02:39 PM >> Commentations (15) | Permalink

December 15, 2004 >> Self Awareness

So last night we saw Ocean's Twelve, a sequel to a Hollywood remake of an old foreign heist movie, and it wasn't bad. I won't go into a full blown review here and you can check out rottentomatoes.com if you are desperately inclined to further investigate said film, but I'm actually going to make a point here that has nothing to do with the ho-hum of "impossible" thievery or the daring escapades of Brad Pitt.

At one point during Ocean's Twelve, the character Tess, who is played by the gargantuan mouth of Julia Roberts, is compelled by superstar kid genius Matt Damon to masquerade as someone famous for the purpose of getting close to some magical egg thing in a museum and - what else - stealing it. Apparently, incredibly, Tess looks a lot like some actress named Julia Roberts! What are the odds. At this point things became bizarre and eventually Julia Roberts was on screen as Tess, pretending to be Julia Roberts in front of Bruce Willis (playing Bruce Willis) and talking to the real REAL Julia Roberts on a cell phone. The lines between character and actor were blurred, leading to some funny moments: "No, no. Julia Roberts doesn't talk like that at all! She's got that Southern drawl!" and a lot of general wackiness.

But I got to thinking, and this new trend in media "self awareness" - turning Hollywood into the spectacle itself, combining producers of imagery with the imagery itself, is some fucked up shit. In fact, it's downright Brechtian, and when Sra told me today that every single Fringe script she's read includes a character revelation about how they're actually in a PLAY! (gasp), I cringed. Because, you see, this means that it's no longer cool to expose the medium. It's not cutting edge anymore. It's now cliche, and Ocean's Twelve drives the point home by unabashedly fingering the the star culture that dominates the movies.

Postmodernism needs a new angle.

Posted by Chris at 02:57 PM >> Commentations (3) | Permalink

December 13, 2004 >> Freud is in my brain

Oh shit, take this test! OMG SO ACCURATE I COULD JUST SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST RIGHT NOW! SIGMUND FREUD IS IN MY BRAIN, ANALYZING ALL MY INNERMOST SUBCONSCIOUS DESIRES!

hahahaha.

Freudian Inventory Results

Oral (46%) you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence knowing when to accept help and when to do things on your own.

Anal (40%) you appear to have a good balance of self control and spontaneity, order and chaos, variety and selectivity.

Phallic (73%) you appear to have issues with controlling your sexual desires and possibly fidelity.

Latency (50%) you appear to have a good balance of abstract knowledge seeking and practicality, dealing with real world responsibilities while still cultivating your abstract and creative faculties and interests.

Genital (70%) you appear to have a progressive and openminded outlook on life unbeholden to regressive forces like traditional authority and convention.

Take Free Freudian Inventory Test

Posted by Chris at 03:18 AM >> Commentations (3) | Permalink

December 12, 2004 >> Selfishness

The holidays are quickly approaching, and I strongly urge each and every one of you to send me an expensive present.

For those of you who are poor and consequentially a detriment to our fabulous consumerist society, I'll settle for a copy of the Trailer Park Boys Christmas Special, which I missed earlier tonight in a cruel twist of fate's sadistic design. Get looking, homelessnesses!

Posted by Chris at 10:32 PM >> Commentations (10) | Permalink

December 10, 2004 >> Right Wing Resentment

Oh Jesus.

So many of you might have seen the little compilation of the US "coverage" of Bush's late November visit to Canada that's floating around the internet right now. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of witnessing this debacle (check it out here), it's basically a series of clips of ultra-conservative biatch Ann Coulter and bow-tied penis "from the right" Tucker Carlson, on Fox News and CNN respectively, insulting Canada with a series of retarded misnomers and half-hacked stereotypes.

Quoth Ann Coulter, with an infuriating smirk: "When you're allowed to exist on the same continent of the United States of America, protecting you with a nuclear shield around you, you're polite and you support us when we've been attacked on our own soil...They better hope the United States doesn't roll over one night and crush them."

Oh yeah? We need protection eh? How about this: THE REST OF THE WORLD DOESN'T HATE US. ONLY YOU.

Quoth Tucker Carlson, basking in unilateral smugness and obviously needing a chair shot to the face: "We exploit your natural resources, that's true. But in the end, Canadians with ambition move to the United States. That has been sort of the trend for decades. It says something not very good about Canada. And I think it makes Canadians feel bad about themselves and I understand that."

Maybe Canadians move to America because, at one time, we were stupid enough to let your media circus north of the border and now your high budget advertising and USA-centric programming is killing our own independent culture?

Oh there's more, much more. Check the video for minutes of infuriating fun!

As easy as it might be, I somewhat feel like we shouldn't rope all Americans into this antagonistic and presumptuous isolationist viewpoint, but we should certainly be concerned that the States is slowly but surely heading towards the right-wing mentality exhibited by these two fucking morons. Bush is just the beginning. I mean seriously, the attitudes exhibited by Coulter and Bow-Tie Carlson are neo-colonialist and certainly wavering towards fascist and somehow this garbage was broadcasted on national television? The media both reflects and influences social consciousness, and commentary like this only furthers my suspicions that American politics are delving deeper and deeper into a nationalistic hole, content to be alone with their superiority complex and blissfully ignorant of the attitudes in the countries around them. What happens when the other voices of reason aren't sitting beside the ultra-right to hastily silence them and jovially explain away their offensiveness?

But don't blame all of America...yet. Give them a chance to kill Ann Coulter and Tucker Carlson first and rejoin the world stage.

Posted by Chris at 03:26 PM >> Commentations (10) | Permalink

December 07, 2004 >> Outsourcing

You guys should really check out this crazy interactive art.

Additionally, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman looks like a used car salesman, appealing for one and all to purchase liberally from his lot of shitty K-Cars and Ford Tempos. Free package of 90's-era air fresheners with every vehicle! Please, buy into his fucked-up desperation mentality or he'll *gasp* lose his job because nobody respects him anymore.

Posted by Chris at 01:34 AM >> Commentations (9) | Permalink

December 06, 2004 >> West Coast relationship insights

Anna~when all else fails....move to Edmonton says:
yeah....im telling ya....were all better off alone...and if someone wants to be alone while being with you...thats the only way i can see it working...

>>tread lightly and listen to metal says:
thats a very odd way of looking at relationships but i can definitely see what you mean

Anna~when all else fails....move to Edmonton says:
yeah....i think its the best way...cause really i dont want someone who is "a part of my whole"....i want someone to be my buddy so that when i fuck up my own life i have someone to smoke a joint with and chill out with who just makes me feel ok....i dont want someone who is crushed when im crushed...i want somone who gets me wasted when im sad or tells me im a dumbass when i do something stupid.

>>tread lightly and listen to metal says:
hmmmmm....dude that is very profound

Anna~when all else fails....move to Edmonton says:
someone who i could live without...but i like being with nonetheless

Posted by Chris at 05:50 PM >> Commentations (17) | Permalink

December 04, 2004 >> New Content Bonanza!!

Yeah, I know it's been a while but my computer is getting more and more belligerant in its old age. Recently it has decided that I should be taking it easy and not, in fact, making new pages for the site. More specifically, it gives me about three minutes of working time before abruptly shutting off without so much as a fuck you. And then I start 'er up again and work for three more minutes before the horrible pattern begins anew. I'm getting a new computer.

Anyways, without any more bitching, here is new stuff!

November's Dying Weekend - a picture gallery depicting the last gasping breaths of my arch-enemy November.
Uplink Obsession - Blueprint article about MSN addiction. Very strange, I must've been addicted to heroin when I wrote this.
Volunteering - A Not So Scroogy Christmas - A touching tale of the time I got roped into volunteering with kids, with 10 never before seen pictures!
Holiday Pessimism - Cord column about the end of exams and what comes next. Bizarre.

It has also come to my attention that people have been looking at my MSN names and taking them as personal attacks via the interweb. Currently two people are visibly unhappy with me because of this, which confuses me because I always thought it was lame when I saw other people pull this shit. I guess this is an apology of sorts - I don't always think about how people might react when I randomly bust out quotes about hate which amuse me but hurt others. Just another chapter in the ongoing saga of MSN etiquette, I suppose. A Masters degree waiting to happen.

Posted by Chris at 02:00 PM >> Commentations (7) | Permalink